Rodney Dangerfield Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Pregnancy, Moving

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Beauty, Crazy

• I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girl, Humor

• I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Hate, Humorous

  "Laugh Off: The Comedy Showdown Between Real Life and the Pros". Book by Bob Fenster, 2005.

• My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Love, Funny, Life

  "Rodney Dangerfield" by Ronald Bergan, www.theguardian.com. October 6, 2004.

• I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Marriage, Hilarious

• I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Marriage, Hilarious

• I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Witty, Real

• We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Relationship, Marriage

• I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Dog, Egypt

• When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play with.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Clever, Smart

• I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Yellow, Ties

• On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Halloween, Humor

• I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Morning, Sex

• I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Reading, Humor

• I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Science, Parent

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Mother, Humor

• My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Good Morning, Mother

• A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girl, Home

• I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Calendars

• When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Hilarious, Witty

• Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Life Is, Situation

• Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Kids

• I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Kids

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