Funny Quotes - Page 3

• Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

  Oscar Wilde

  Life, Happiness, Happy

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.

  Ozzy Osbourne

  Crazy, Missing, Drug

  85 Copy quote

• My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.

  Indira Gandhi

  Success, Leadership, Witty

  "Taking Charge : Every Woman's Action Guide to Personal, Political and Professional Success". Book by Joan Steinau Lester )p. 76), 1996.

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• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

  Steven Wright

  Humorous, Ideas, Comedian

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  The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.

  Vince Lombardi

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  184 Copy quote
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  A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

  Emo Philips

  Motivational Sports, Humorous, Boxing

  148 Copy quote

• Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

  Dr. Seuss

  Inspirational, Life, Cute Love

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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  A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

  Steve Martin

  Witty, Laughter, Hipster

  FaceBook post by Steve Martin from Jun 14, 2011

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• Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others.

  Confucius

  Life, Worry, Ifs

  67 Copy quote

• You can observe a lot by just watching.

  Yogi Berra

  Photography, Yankees, Vision

  Quoted in Dick Schaap and Mort Gerberg's Joy in Mudville: The Big Book of Baseball Humor Reflections (p. 185)

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• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

  Lana Turner

  Success, Hilarious, Witty

  985 Copy quote

• By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.

  Charles Wadsworth

  Hilarious, Father, Humorous

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  We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.

  Robert Fulghum

  Love, Life, Relationship

  "True Love". Book by Robert Fulghum, 1997.

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• I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

  George Carlin

  Bible, Witty, Humor

  "George Carlin, R.I.P." by David Gibson, www.beliefnet.com. June 2008.

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  To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.

  Thomas Paine

  4th Of July, Medicine, Religion

  463 Copy quote

• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Witty, Trying

  129 Copy quote

• A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

  Oliver Herford

  Sarcastic, Laughter, Men

  251 Copy quote

• money is not everything but it ranks right up there with oxygen

  Zig Ziglar

  Money, Oxygen, Famous Motivational

  20 Copy quote

• I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

  George Carlin

  Sarcastic, Mother, Witty

  511 Copy quote

• The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.

  Edward Abbey

  Inspirational, Life, Hilarious

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  Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!

  Audrey Hepburn

  Inspirational, Motivational, Positive

  183 Copy quote
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  Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment

  Betty White

  Jealousy, Humorous, Vacation

  54 Copy quote

• Haters are just confused admirers because they can't figure out the reason why everyone loves you.

  Jeffree Star

  Love, Hater, Confused

  FaceBook post by Jeffree Star from Feb 17, 2013

  218 Copy quote

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• All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Love, Valentines Day, Witty

  236 Copy quote

• You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

  Tommy Cooper

  Motivation, Humorous, Driving Fast

  59 Copy quote