Funny Quotes - Page 3

• Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

  Oscar Wilde

  Life, Happiness, Happy

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.

  Ozzy Osbourne

  Crazy, Missing, Drug

  95 Copy quote

• My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.

  Indira Gandhi

  Success, Leadership, Witty

  "Taking Charge : Every Woman's Action Guide to Personal, Political and Professional Success". Book by Joan Steinau Lester )p. 76), 1996.

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• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

  Steven Wright

  Humorous, Ideas, Comedian

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  The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.

  Vince Lombardi

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

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  A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

  Emo Philips

  Motivational Sports, Humorous, Boxing

  158 Copy quote

• Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.

  Dr. Seuss

  Inspirational, Life, Cute Love

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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  A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

  Steve Martin

  Witty, Laughter, Hipster

  FaceBook post by Steve Martin from Jun 14, 2011

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• Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others.

  Confucius

  Life, Worry, Ifs

  85 Copy quote

• You can observe a lot by just watching.

  Yogi Berra

  Photography, Yankees, Vision

  Quoted in Dick Schaap and Mort Gerberg's Joy in Mudville: The Big Book of Baseball Humor Reflections (p. 185)

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• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

  Lana Turner

  Success, Hilarious, Witty

  1002 Copy quote

• By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.

  Charles Wadsworth

  Hilarious, Father, Humorous

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  We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.

  Robert Fulghum

  Love, Life, Relationship

  "True Love". Book by Robert Fulghum, 1997.

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• I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

  George Carlin

  Bible, Witty, Humor

  "George Carlin, R.I.P." by David Gibson, www.beliefnet.com. June 2008.

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  To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.

  Thomas Paine

  4th Of July, Medicine, Religion

  483 Copy quote

• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Witty, Trying

  134 Copy quote

• A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

  Oliver Herford

  Sarcastic, Laughter, Men

  257 Copy quote

• money is not everything but it ranks right up there with oxygen

  Zig Ziglar

  Money, Oxygen, Famous Motivational

  24 Copy quote

• I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

  George Carlin

  Sarcastic, Mother, Witty

  520 Copy quote

• The duty of a patriot is to protect his country from its government.

  Edward Abbey

  Inspirational, Life, Hilarious

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  Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!

  Audrey Hepburn

  Inspirational, Motivational, Positive

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  Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment

  Betty White

  Jealousy, Humorous, Vacation

  60 Copy quote

• Haters are just confused admirers because they can't figure out the reason why everyone loves you.

  Jeffree Star

  Love, Hater, Confused

  FaceBook post by Jeffree Star from Feb 17, 2013

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• All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Love, Valentines Day, Witty

  246 Copy quote

• You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

  Tommy Cooper

  Motivation, Humorous, Driving Fast

  66 Copy quote