Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard,' I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'
True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.
If you're going through hell, keep going.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.
Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.
We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
Age is just a number. It's totally irrelevant unless, of course, you happen to be a bottle of wine.
The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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