This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.
Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think she's attractive to the opposite sex.
An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.
Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.
Somebody figured it out- we have 35 million laws trying to enforce Ten Commandments.
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.
A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
If you look like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey.
Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?
Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.
Success is a matter of luck. If you want proof, ask any failure.
If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.
No horse can go as fast as the money you put on it.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.
Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.
He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone.
There's only one kind of tax that would please everybody - one that nobody but the other guy has to pay.
Many a standing ovation has been caused by someone jumping to his feet in an effort to beat the rest of the audience to the parking lot.
Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.
This is the age of bargain hunters. If it had been this way in biblical times, we'd probably have been offered another commandment free if we had accepted the first ten.
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