This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.
Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think she's attractive to the opposite sex.
Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.
Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.
Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.
Somebody figured it out- we have 35 million laws trying to enforce Ten Commandments.
A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.
A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.
Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.
If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.
You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.
If you look like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey.
No horse can go as fast as the money you put on it.
Many a standing ovation has been caused by someone jumping to his feet in an effort to beat the rest of the audience to the parking lot.
Success is a matter of luck. If you want proof, ask any failure.
Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty.
This is the age of bargain hunters. If it had been this way in biblical times, we'd probably have been offered another commandment free if we had accepted the first ten.
Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air.
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