This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.
Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back.
Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.
Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think she's attractive to the opposite sex.
Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.
Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?
An exhaustive study of police records shows that no woman has ever shot her husband while he was doing the dishes.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Somebody figured it out- we have 35 million laws trying to enforce Ten Commandments.
One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.
A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.
A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.
If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.
Poise: the ability to be ill at ease inconspicuously.
No horse can go as fast as the money you put on it.
You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.
If you look like your passport photo, in all probability you need the journey.
Many a standing ovation has been caused by someone jumping to his feet in an effort to beat the rest of the audience to the parking lot.
Success is a matter of luck. If you want proof, ask any failure.
This is the age of bargain hunters. If it had been this way in biblical times, we'd probably have been offered another commandment free if we had accepted the first ten.
Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty.
Nonchalance is the ability to remain down to earth when everything else is up in the air.
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