Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.
It's not the hours you put in your work that counts, it's the work you put in the hours.
If you lend someone 20 dollars and never see that person again, it's probably worth it.
When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day.
Parents who wonder where the younger generation is going should remember where it came from.
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.
"Tell me, doctor, " said the patient, "when I stand on my head, the blood rushes to it. Why doesn't it rush to my feet now?" "That's because your feet aren't empty," said the doctor.
Youth is when you think you'll live forever. Old age is when you wonder how you've lived so long.
Don't drive as if you own the road; drive as if you own the car.
The reason that so many of us cannot save money is because of our friends. They're always buying something we can't afford.
If we are what we eat, why aren't we new, improved, fat-free, and light.
A neighbor will stand at your door talking for 20 minutes because she doesn't have time to come in.
The brain is like a TV set; when it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.
Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.
When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.
An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.
Half of all home accidents happen in the kitchen, and the family has to eat them.
Life begins as a quest of the child for the man, and ends as a journey by the man to rediscover the child.
The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.
Highways are full of careless drivers who are always too close in front of you.
We are all born into the world with nothing. Everything we acquire after that is profit.
The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor.
In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'.
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