If you tell the truth, then you don't have to have a good memory
If it doesn't make sense, it's usually not true.
I couldn't give a rat's tutu about your emotional distress
The time to change was yesterday; the time to wake up is now.
Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining.
Don't make a cemetery of your life by burying your talents.
"Beauty fades," my father would tell me, "but dumb? Dumb is forever."
There's no cap on success. The jury stays out till you take your last breath.
You only have one thing in business, and that is your reputation
Your son went into your kitchen and took a kitchen knife.
Since I'm the judge, it's a very stupid thing to irritate me!
Don't try to teach a pig to sing. It doesn't work, and it annoys the pig.
Beauty fades, dumb is forever.
Unless you believe in reincarnation, this is your one shot.
One of the loveliest weddings I ever performed was that of a gay couple. To me if you are a good citizen, you pay your taxes, you work, you should have all the rights and responsibilities of everybody else.
It's your life; live it well.
If you are trying to balance the scales of justice and equality in all your work relationships, you're going to come up short.
I only do one thing at a time; otherwise, I get confused and then I can't trick you.
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