Stephanie Coontz Quotes

• When parents are educated about how not to involve children in their conflicts and co-parent amicably, a lot of the ill effects of divorce can be alleviated. Divorce is always painful. But kids in a high-conflict marriage or low-conflict but contemptuous ones are often better off in the long run when the parent can disengage.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Running, Children, Kids

  Source: www.huffingtonpost.com

  4 Copy quote

• A two-parent family based on love and commitment can be a wonderful thing, but historically speaking the "two-parent paradigm" has left an extraordinary amount of room for economic inequality, violence and male dominance.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Commitment, Two, Economic Inequality

  10 Copy quote

• Families have always been in flux and often in crisis; they have never lived up to nostalgic notions about "the way things used tobe." But that doesn't mean the malaise and anxiety people feel about modern families are delusions, that everything would be fine if we would only realize that the past was not all it's cracked up to be. . . . Even if things were not always right in families of the past, it seems clear that some things have newly gone wrong.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Mean, Past, People

  4 Copy quote

• Extended families have never been the norm in America; the highest figure for extended-family households ever recorded in Americanhistory is 20 percent. Contrary to the popular myth that industrialization destroyed "traditional" extended families, this high point occurred between 1850 and 1885, during the most intensive period of early industrialization. Many of these extended families, and most "producing" families of the time, depended on the labor of children; they were held together by dire necessity and sometimes by brute force.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Children, America, Together

  Stephanie Coontz (2016). “The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap”, p.25, Basic Books

  8 Copy quote

• Putting women's traditional needs at the center of social planning is not reverse sexism. It's the best way to reverse the increasing economic vulnerability of men and women alike.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Family, Money, Work

  7 Copy quote

• There is no going back to a time when most women will feel compelled to enter or stay in a bad marriage just for economic security or social respectability. So today, the best way to get women once more interested in getting married and having children is for men to accept women's new insistence on equality. This is, I think, why educated women in America, are now more pro - marriage and more disapproving of divorce than other groups of women who have less experience with egalitarian partners or less clout in getting their needs met in relationships.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Children, Divorce, Men

  Source: www.huffingtonpost.com

  4 Copy quote

• I think that divorce is a vital escape hatch for people stuck in marriage and it is not a sentence of doom either for adults or children. The community should develop better support systems for saving or restoring potentially healthy marriages.But we should also help people who decide to divorce have healthier partings.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Children, Divorce, Thinking

  Source: www.huffingtonpost.com

  4 Copy quote

• There is one group of people - social conservatives, religious conservatives - who honestly feel that women's place is in the home and that wives should submit to their husbands.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Religious, Husband, Home

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

  4 Copy quote

• For every nineteenth-century middle-class family that protected its wife and child within the family circle, there was an Irish ora German girl scrubbing floors in that home, a Welsh boy mining coal to keep the home-baked goodies warm, a black girl doing the family laundry, a black mother and child picking cotton to be made into clothes for the family, and a Jewish or an Italian daughter in a sweatshop making "ladies" dresses or artificial flowers for the family to purchase.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Girl, Daughter, Mother

  16 Copy quote

• Contrary to popular opinion, 'Leave it to Beaver' was not a documentary.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Documentaries, Opinion, Beavers

  Stephanie Coontz (2016). “The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap”, p.35, Basic Books

  4 Copy quote

• Singlehood is not longer a state to be overcome as soon as possible. It has its own rewards. Marriage is not the gateway to adulthood anymore. For most people it's the dessert - desirable, but no longer the main course.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Single, People, Overcoming

  8 Copy quote

• Women are told that we can have the most exciting, glamorous, demanding, rewarding careers ever but we also have to be constantly sexy and sexually interested, and when we have children we have to spend more time with our kids. Of course you can't really do all three of those things at once, so we feel this tremendous stress.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Sexy, Children, Stress

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

  4 Copy quote

• Nostalgia wouldn't begin to capture your sense of loss, ... The Way We Really Are Coming to Terms With America's Changing Families.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Loss, America, Way

  7 Copy quote

• We urgently need a debate about the best ways of supporting families in modern America, without blinders that prevent us from seeing the full extent of dependence and interdependence in American life. As long as we pretend that only poor or abnormal families need outside assistance, we will shortchange poor families, overcompensate rich ones, and fail to come up with effective policies for helping families in the middle.

  Stephanie Coontz

  America, Long, Needs

  Stephanie Coontz (2016). “The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap”, p.73, Basic Books

  6 Copy quote

• In industrial countries where male privilege is still firmly entrenched - in Spain, Italy, Japan, and South Korea, for example - women are delaying marriage longer than in America, and often resisting childbearing as well. They are less likely than American women to say that marriage is a good deal.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Country

  Source: www.huffingtonpost.com

  4 Copy quote

• Hollywood overstates both the romance of marriage and the prevalence of divorce. Celebrities have divorce rates that are atypical and higher than most couples. I suspect that in celebrity marriages, there are huge egos on both sides and they do seem to encourage unrealistic expectations about falling in love. The problem with our romantic culture is that you can love someone you don't respect and the marriage can run out of gas with that formula. Respect is essential - not just respecting your partner but being sure your partner equally respects you.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Running, Falling In Love, Couple

  Source: www.huffingtonpost.com

  4 Copy quote

• The historical weight of gender inequality has tended to concentrate women in lower-paid jobs with fewer benefits, at the same time made them primarily responsible for care giving.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Giving, Historical, Care

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

  4 Copy quote

• ... what's been building since the 1980's is a new kind of social Darwinism that blames poverty and crime and the crisis of our youth on a breakdown of the family. That's what will last after this flurry on family values.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Family, Politics, Lasts

  4 Copy quote

• There is a lack of collective support or social support for working people in America. We're told, "You can be, as an individual, anything you want to be, but it must be at something else's - or somebody else's - expense."

  Stephanie Coontz

  America, People, Support

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

  4 Copy quote

• The worst problems for children stem from parental conflict, before, during, and after divorce or within marriage.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Children, Divorce, Problem

  5 Copy quote

• The benefits of feminism have been unequally distributed, because the move toward gender equality and gender neutrality has been countered to a large extent by the increase in economic inequality.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Moving, Economic Inequality, Feminism

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

  4 Copy quote

• The historical weight of gender inequality has tended to concentrate women in lower-paid jobs with fewer benefits and at the same time made them primarily responsible for care giving.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Jobs, Giving, Historical

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

  5 Copy quote

• A significant minority of senior women I've interviewed say, 'Love the companionship, glad to live with him, but I spent my first marriage picking up after a man and I'm not going to do that anymore.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Senior, Men, Minorities

  7 Copy quote

• The idea that academics should remain ''above the fray'' only gives ideologues license to misuse our work.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Ideas, Giving, Misuse

  6 Copy quote

• Increasingly, men are realizing exactly that - that having an educated, economically independent partner reduces the pressure on them to be the sole provider. Many men are also beginning to understand that participating in housework and childcare can be rewarding. Women with higher education and/or earnings are so much less likely than other women to divorce, that by age 40, they are more likely to be married than any other group of women.

  Stephanie Coontz

  Independent, Divorce, Men

  Source: www.huffingtonpost.com

  4 Copy quote

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