Melissa Febos Quotes - Page 3

Quotes about:

• I've always looked very closely at people, and seen a lot; that was true even when I was a kid. That's what made me a good domme, but it's also what makes me well suited to being a writer, and a teacher.

  Melissa Febos

  Teacher, Kids, People

  Interview With Rebecca Keith, therumpus.net. April 2, 2010.

  4 Copy quote

• Desperation precludes reflection. That is one of the reasons why smart people can get involved in very obviously unworkable relationships. Like addiction, that deep, Imago attachment is more powerful than logic, and in fact disables logic. So, any explanation or analysis or reflection on such a feeling is already many steps removed from the experience.

  Melissa Febos

  Powerful, Smart, Reflection

  Source: therumpus.net

  4 Copy quote

• Music isn't seeking to comment on the experience or transmit some finding about it - it is only seeking to express it. The vicarious experience is much more accessible. We all recognize the sound of that howling, because we all have a similar howling inside of us, however we heed it or hold it or muzzle it or repress it or live in bondage to it.

  Melissa Febos

  Muzzle, Sound, Bondage

  Source: therumpus.net

  4 Copy quote

• Because of the irresistible nature of our own Imagos, I think the replication of it in music is a siren song - we love those tormented songs, and we listen to them over and over and over the way that we smash ourselves into our lovers, or the same kind of lover, over and over. That drive is tireless, until it is resolved. And we can "enjoy" it safely through music, which is a simulacrum we have power over.

  Melissa Febos

  Song, Thinking, Sirens

  Source: therumpus.net

  4 Copy quote

• You can turn off the song the way you cannot the actual experience.

  Melissa Febos

  Song, Way, Turns

  Source: therumpus.net

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• A lot of the experiences I write about could be described as grasping for boundaries, trying to find the limits of things.

  Melissa Febos

  Writing, Trying, Limits

  Source: therumpus.net

  4 Copy quote

• At a glance, addiction, sex work, mad passion, and all forms of extreme behavior might look like pushing or trying to obliterate boundaries when, more honestly, they are a search for them. I want to find the endpoint, the place where my own powers end, so I can yield to something that I'm certain is bigger than me.

  Melissa Febos

  Sex, Passion, Yield

  Source: therumpus.net

  4 Copy quote

• Children's stories force logic upon the gruesome facts of our lives. They mirror our troubles and submit them to a chain of causality.

  Melissa Febos

  Children, Mirrors, Stories

  Source: therumpus.net

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• Our lives are a long series of acquiring and then sloughing narratives.

  Melissa Febos

  Long, Narrative, Our Lives

  Source: therumpus.net

  4 Copy quote

• I think we all are born inside of our parents' narratives. We stay there for a good while. We are taught their narratives about everything: their marriage, the world, God, gender, identity, etcetera. Then, at some point, our own narrative develops too much integrity to live inside that story. We don't ever fully escape it, but we move into our own stories.

  Melissa Febos

  Integrity, Moving, Thinking

  Source: therumpus.net

  4 Copy quote

• When I was a kid, I was told that I had a biological father, but that he didn't have much importance. I had an adoptive father who was present, who loved me, who was up to the task. And he was. So, I didn't question that story, until I was thirty-two, and suddenly realized that I was curious, that he did have something to do with me.

  Melissa Febos

  Father, Kids, Two

  Source: therumpus.net

  4 Copy quote

• The lovers enter into a story together - "this how we met, this is how we were meant for each other" - and then at some point (in my experience, at least), the story splits, and they no longer share it. Then, you either change the story, or you break up. I've always broken up.

  Melissa Febos

  Broken, Together, Stories

  Source: therumpus.net

  4 Copy quote

• All our stories are part invention - the way we've decided to make sense of what has happened.

  Melissa Febos

  Stories, Way, Invention

  Source: therumpus.net

  4 Copy quote

• Early in my career as a domme, I both admired and feared becoming one of those career dommes. I saw, in myself, and in some other women in that industry, the way that sex work could eclipse the other parts of your personality, the way that I started to feel as if I wasn't qualified to do anything else. I had always known that I wanted to be a writer, and I stopped writing for a time while I was domming; the experience subsumed my other interests, and it scared me. Now, however, I have nothing but admiration for them.

  Melissa Febos

  Sex, Writing, Becoming One

  Interview With Rebecca Keith, therumpus.net. April 2, 2010.

  4 Copy quote

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