Discretion is the polite word for hypocrisy.
I enjoyed sex and indulged in it when I fancied the men.
I took on the sins of everybody, of a generation, really.
We knew we were talking about spies. I knew he knew I knew. I was digging my own grave.
Bill Astor knew these papers were missing. Stephen showed his hand in October.
I never found anyone who was good enough, who I could trust enough.
The fathers, if they got me alone, would try to kiss and fondle me. I hated it.
All that Swinging Sixties. It didn’t do anyone any good, did it? Easy sex and the Pill. Marriages were ruined. I never did approve. I never really enjoyed the sex.
However I dress it up, I was a spy and I am not proud of it.
If I don't tell it all now, the story in the history books will always be imperfect and that would be wrong.
One way of reading my life is that I have been in constant search for a father.
It's been a misery for me, living with Christine Keeler.
Men, all men, were always trying to get hold of me, you know.
I'm terrified of men these days. If someone asked me out now, I don't know what I'd say, how I'd react. But I couldn't go through with it, not at all. I suppose I've been terrified of them all along.
As a little girl I used to daydream about my real father coming on a white horse to rescue me.
I have always been free with my love - it is my nature. I am easily captivated by men and they have always been attracted to me.
I like to think that people live on in other people's memories.
My mother used to go out on her own, and I used to have to keep a look out for my stepfather coming home.
Even a criminal has the right to a new life, but they made sure I did not have that. They just didn't stop calling me a prostitute for ever and ever and ever and ever.
I have survived and possibly I should not hope for more than that.
They wanted to hear about the sex, of course. But not the rest; no one wanted to hear the rest.
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