I think I'm definitely more open. You know the thing is I wouldn't have said I was closed before, but like, it's the kind of thing that you don't even think of other options. I've been dating black men for really, for like, I don't know, 10 years. You know, I haven't really dated outside of that. Now I think I'm probably am more open to the idea.
I don't know if it's more acceptable or if black men are more comfortable. Black men certainly are more comfortable with it. I don't know that society, like white society loves it or black women. When you see a black man with a white woman there is a feeling that you have and I think the feeling is an instinctual feeling of you want her you don't want me. I don't look anything like her, so you don't like. You know what I mean? Something like that. It's a real instinctual primal thing.
My characteristics [of Ideal Black Man.] aren't as specific. I'm more general. I'm more like, I have to be able to talk to him. You know, we have to have good communications. He has to be interested in the world. You know what I mean. Like interested in learning and adventurous and curious, 'cause that's what I am. He has to be passionate about something. And it would be nice if he had a job. It's not like he has to have an MBA.
The inspiration for this movie [Something New] was this Newsweek article that came out a couple of years ago that talks about 42.4 percent of black women in America aren't married. Black women are shooting up the corporate ladder way faster than our black male counterparts. And (black men) are either dating outside their race, in jail or dying. And so if you want to have a family, you want to be married, you have to look at other options.
Like the guy I was dating. White, liberal, educated. I went to meet his family and I think that they probably didn't know they had a problem with it until he walked in with me. And they definitely had issues. Mom had issues with it. Could not, didn't want to see her son. And I don't think she had anything against me. But it was about her son bringing me home. And I felt that for the first time. I was like, 'Wow, that's deep.' It's really simple: I don't fit their picture.
And then there was moments with white guy where like we would be in Harlem. There would be five brothers in the corner, and this is an awful feeling but you're holding his hand and you want to pull your hand away cause you don't want the judgment. And you're gonna get the judgment even if it's just in looks. And the black men are the worst when it comes to judging.
I remember after I dated this white man, nobody said anything but there was a couple of men in my family that joked after that. 'Oh yeah, we had a party when y'all broke up. Hee hee hee.' And, you know, they laughed, and it was like light and a joke. But, you know, that's real. That was real and they let me know. And, it's almost acceptable within our culture to be prejudiced toward whites because of our history. This country is loaded with racism .
Everybody is different. I can think of three black men I've dated and they couldn't be more different from each other.
People are going to always have their opinions whether you date a black man or not. I've had girlfriends, family members comment on black men that I've dated as well as white people. People want to see what they want to see. And if anybody doesn't fit that picture they're going to be like, 'Yeah, I didn't see you with him.'
I've been in a couple with different races like Latino, white, Middle Eastern.
It was a good script [Something New]. We have not seen an interracial issue dealt with from a black woman and white man's perspective in this way. And, usually, it's a black man, white woman. I loved the fact that it wasn't about the couple being against the world or the couple against the family. I loved the fact that it was her dealing with her own prejudices that came up, her own guilt, her own shame and embarrassment about what her peers thought.
You can never be happy when you're constantly comparing yourself to others. Keep your eyes ahead.
In this day and age, especially with all the media and television, social media, and the Internet, we are constantly being compared and comparing ourselves to others' lives and journeys. Keep your eyes on your own road.
I feel like people grow the most when they step outside of the box that they are used to. For me, it's constantly challenging myself to step outside of my comfort zone. As soon as you do that, then you grow, but then you get comfortable again.
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