Dylan Moran Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• Everybody does that now. We all take pics... you do the same with holiday photos. You record something to look back on it, even though you’re not really there when you’re taking the picture 'cause you’re too busy recording it; so you retrospectively go to look back on where you weren’t and tell yourself you had a good time.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Holiday, Humor

  "Dylan Moran: Monster". Video, November 15, 2004.

• And yet, people still turn to Jesus. You will notice though that the kind of people who turn to Jesus tend to be the sort of people who haven't done that well with everybody else.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Jesus, Humor

  "Dylan Moran: Like, Totally". Video, December 2006.

• You're talking to a modern, nice, affable German person and they're saying to you something like 'You know, vell, it's a critical time now for Germany within Europe, also globally, economically ve are pretty good, ve have been better. But ve are very vibrant in the theater and arts...' and all the time you'll be listening to this, you're thinking Mmm, yeah, mmm... Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Art, Nice

  "Dylan Moran: Like, Totally". Video, December 2006.

• Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.

  Dylan Moran

  Love, Funny, Money

  "This much I know" by Dylan Moran, www.theguardian.com. March 6, 2004.

• I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Want

  "Dylan Moran: Like, Totally". Video, December 2006.

• Fruit... it's just God showing off. "Look at all the colours I know!"

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Looks

  "Dylan Moran: Like, Totally". Video, December 2006.

• Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Morning, Hate

• You've a very important, early decision to make in your life: are you going to be alone, or are you going to be with somebody else? Are you going to be sane, or not lonely? A couple is a strange thing; it's an organism that's half as intelligent as the most intelligent member. And you both know who it is!

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Lonely, Couple

  "Dylan Moran: What It Is". Video, 2009.

• Why do I even dare to think I could dream I could imagine I could hope?!

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Dream, Humor

  "What It Is". Stand-up by Dylan Moran, www.youtube.com. May 15, 2009.

• It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Book, Writing

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  "Black Books". www.imdb.com. 2000–2004.

• Organic? I grew up on Angel Delight. We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon!

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Angel

  "Dylan Moran: Monster". Documentary, Comedy, 2004.

• Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know; mobile phone tumours - far more likely in the city. Well you know what, so is everything else! Including sex, coffee and conversation.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Sex, Coffee

  "Dylan Moran: Like, Totally". Documentary, Comedy, 2006.

• I'm a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It's amazing I'm here at all.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Long

  "Black Books". www.imdb.com. 2000-2004.

• You cannot over estimate how infantile men are about sex! Men are people that have sex BECAUSE they have a headache... or are on fire, or have been shot in the head, or whatever it is!

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  "Dylan Moran: Monster". Video, November 15, 2004.

• Adulthood feels like walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Bores You

  "What It Is". Stand-up by Dylan Moran, www.youtube.com. May 15, 2009.

• I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Drug

• I'm a vegetarian, well I'm not hardcore because I eat meat, but only because I like the taste, and I hate vegetables on a personal level so I'm not too good!

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Hate, Humor

• Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Phones

  "What It Is". Documentary, Comedy, 2009.

• Showing off seemed to me to be a highly valuable and necessary activity when I was 20.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Comedy

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

• I was fat! I was pustule-rich! I looked like a pink human grenade! When did I blossom into the irresistible little orchid that I am now? I don't know. Getting taller helps. It spreads out a bit.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Orchids

• Now I'm not an expert at mathematics, but I calculated it would take at least three of me to take on one third of one of them, even if they were attacking me with just their arse.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Experts

• I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling.

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Humor, Hair

  "Dylan Moran: Monster". Video, November 15, 2004.

• Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. We're very nervous about them. You know, people go, "Don't go outside! Or inside! Get into the cupboard with some spinach!" When I was a child they'd kick you out and you weren't expected to come back until there were bats!

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Children, Humor

  "Dylan Moran: What It Is". Video, 2009.

• Don't you DARE use party as a verb in my shop

  Dylan Moran

  Funny, Party, Humor

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