Jordan Sonnenblick Quotes

Quotes about:

Home Mom Parents

Instead of agonizing about the things you can't change, why don't you try working on the things you can change

Jordan Sonnenblick

Trying, Agonizing, Can't Change

Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.105, Scholastic Inc.

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But nobody ever tells you in advance when you should concentrate on the good times-that's why you're supposed to do it every day.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Good Times, Should

Jordan Sonnenblick (2011). “After Ever After”, p.247, Scholastic Inc.

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What do you call a planet where bad guys stroll through life with success draped around their shoulders like a King’s cloak, while random horrors are visited upon the innocent heads of children? I call it Earth.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Kings, Children, Guy

Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.111, Scholastic Inc.

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You can be our critic. Would you dig that? (Yes, he was the last Man in America who could say “dig” with a straight face without referring to the process of using a tool to remove dirt from the ground.)

Jordan Sonnenblick

Men, America, Tools

Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.108, Scholastic Inc.

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It was like seeing Bill Gates at age thirteen, times two. And half of him was wearing a cheerleader uniform. Yes, I know that’s a weird image.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Two, Age, Half

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Chicks dig a dude who’s sporting the latest eggplant turtleneck styles.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Eggplant, Style, Chicks

Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.55, Scholastic Inc.

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Me: Well, you see, I, uh, I'm a cancer survivor. Person #1: And how's that working out for you? Me: Well, you see, I, uh, used to have leukemia. Person #2: Dude, how come you're not, like, BALD? Me: Well, you see, I, uh, I had acute lymphocytic lymphoma when I was five. Person #3: Whoa. THAT must'a sucked. I once had my tonsils out.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Cancer, Work Out, Survivor

Jordan Sonnenblick (2011). “After Ever After”, p.54, Scholastic Inc.

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If you promise you will get better instead of dying, I promise I will, too.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Promise, Get Better, Dying

Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.81, Scholastic Inc.

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Some kids do drugs. Some kids light stuff on fire. Me, I eat oats.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Kids, Fire, Light

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It was a cheesy cheeseball, covered with Cheez Whiz and served on a bed of Cheez-Its. With a side of queso.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Cheesy, Bed, Sides

Jordan Sonnenblick (2012). “After Ever After”, p.101, Scholastic Inc.

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I seriously think I could have sat in the middle of the kitchen floor rubbing two sticks together over a pile of dynamite blocks and gasoline cans, and my parents would be oblivious, as long as I was keeping myself occupied.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Block, Thinking, Two

Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.77, Scholastic Inc.

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There are really no guidelines whatsoever, because this is the kind of thing that only happens to ME.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Kind, Guidelines, Happens

Jordan Sonnenblick (2006). “Notes from the Midnight Driver”

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(Yes teenage boys who are fine always cry on their mothers’ shoulders until they leave a snot trail.)

Jordan Sonnenblick

Mother, Teenage, Boys

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I’ll probably just stand in a corner, trying not to be noticed, until the decoration committee accidentally packs me into a box at the end of the night. There I will lie, crammed in between rolls of crepe paper, until the New Year’s dance two months from now. Jeffrey thought about this for a moment and said, Won’t they notice the box is too heavy when they go to put it away?

Jordan Sonnenblick

New Year, Lying, Night

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He said he "admired our courage" but didn't want to see us do anything to "damage our promising futures." He felt "proud as an American" that we had "exercised our right to peaceful free expression." But if we did it again, he didn't "know what action the state board of education might take against individual students." Translation: You've had your fun. Now sit down, shut up, and take the freakin' test. Or else.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Fun, Expression, Peaceful

"After Ever After". Book by Jordan Sonnenblick, 2012.

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Mr. Watras asked me whether I was practicing, and I told him I was practicing my tissue basketball skills.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Basketball, Skills, Tissues

Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.82, Scholastic Inc.

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Who’s that? That’s the King. Who’s he? The Duke. Who’s she? The Princess. What do they call you? The Count. What does that make me? Umm…how about the Peasant? And the name stuck.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Kings, Princess, Names

Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.9, Scholastic Inc.

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Take care, Jeffy. I’ll see you soon, right? Just remember not to throw food at the nurses. I don’t want to get any complaint calls, OK? Steven, I don’t throw food at…oh, that was a joke, right? Yup, buddy boy. It was a joke. But seriously, no kissing the nurses on the lips, either. It messes up their makeup. Eeeeeeewwwww!

Jordan Sonnenblick

Kissing, Boys, Makeup

Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.64, Scholastic Inc.

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Or maybe...their biggest fear is that they will get close to you again, and you'll go and drop dead.

Jordan Sonnenblick

You Again, Biggest Fear

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Renee was beautiful, but she was my friend now. On the other hand, Annette was my friend, but now she was beautiful. makes about as much sense as anything ever does with girls

Jordan Sonnenblick

Beautiful, Girl, Hands

Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.148, Scholastic Inc.

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The only time I can ever remember Steven crying over any of it was after my treatment, when I tried to use my foot on his bass drum pedal, and we realized I could never play a drum set.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Play, Feet, Use

Jordan Sonnenblick (2012). “After Ever After”, p.18, Scholastic Inc.

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Note to self: It's hard to attain a state of no-mind when you're incredibly pumped up on tea and sugar and have to urinate every three and a half minutes.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Self, Tea, Mind

Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Zen and the Art of Faking It”, p.43, Scholastic Inc.

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And if there was one thing I'd finally figured out, it was that your mind is something you always CAN change.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Life, Mind, One Thing

Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.135, Scholastic Inc.

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He also said that if anyone did anything to mess up the rest of the testing, he was going to call 911 personally. Yeah, like that wouldn't make it into the nightly news again: WHEELCHAIR-BOUND CANCER PATIENT ARRESTED FOR FREE SPEECH.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Cancer, News, Speech

Jordan Sonnenblick (2012). “After Ever After”, p.102, Scholastic Inc.

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Hi, Tad!' she said. 'Hi, Jeff! Hey, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?' 'Uh, no,' I said. 'We were just...I mean, Tad was...uh, nope.' 'So what were you guys talking about?' 'Well,' I said, 'it's very complicated. We were discussing...umm...hats. You know, hats. Like, the head kind.' 'There's another kind?' Lindsey asked. 'Hey, Jeff?' Tad said. 'If your mom needs any evidence to prove that you're retarded, let me know. I'd be glad to record you talking to Lindsey. I'm pretty sure that would do the trick.

Jordan Sonnenblick

Mom, Mean, Talking

Jordan Sonnenblick (2012). “After Ever After”, p.53, Scholastic Inc.

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Born: July 4, 1969
Occupation: Writer
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