I tell my kids, 'I'm your father, not your friend - but I'm also the best friend you're ever going to have because no one is going to care for you the way I care about you.'
Being the father of girls is a kind of illness, in its own way - since any guy who has tried to live in a house with a wife and two daughters is, without any doubt, going to go certifiably nuts.
I've been offered 'Celebrity Fit Club', where you have to take off your shirt and get on a scale. I got kids, man. I'm not going to humiliate myself. I'd rather drive a cab.
David is the show. There are other writers, but it's David's vision.
I read a lot of true-crime books, but sometimes they can put you in a bad mood.
Sometimes being a dad is like watching a ping-pong match.
Kids don't come with an instruction manual. So if you're gonna make mistakes, at least make them your own way.
With girls, there's an insecurity that starts early on. It hangs around them, like some annoying kid from down the block who won't take the hint and go home when dinnertime comes. And moms are usually not great at giving their daughters confidence.
As far as my own life goes, I don't buy into the Hollywood scene.
Moms and daughters can negotiate over anything, and they can go on longer than it took to settle the Vietnam War.
I've worked too hard all my life to have my kids control my life.
I'd like to form a club just for fathers. Specifically, fathers of daughters. There would be lots of overstuffed leather chairs, wood paneling, dim lights. The works.
Everybody thinks they have the answer to how to be a good parent. Here's mine: Everybody's gonna make mistakes.
There's no such thing as quality time; there's only quantity time.
So I dipped into my childhood and came up with Nicky Deuce. I wanted him to get into a lot of mischief, like the time I taped a fork to a broom handle and cattle-rustled a steak off the barbecue of the next-door neighbor.
If it's time for your character to go, it's time for your character to go - you know what I mean? That's it. It doesn't matter who you are.
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