I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences.
In high school, my sister went out with the captain of the chess team. My parents loved him... They figured that any guy that took hours to make a move was okay with them.
I went to a bookstore the other day. I asked a woman behind the counter where the self-help books were. She said, ‘If I told you, that would defeat the whole purpose.’
There's always one teacher you had a crush on; for me, it's my wife's aerobics instructor.
My grandfather is hard of hearing. He needs to read lips. I don't
mind him reading lips, but he uses one of those yellow highlighters.
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