Marya Hornbacher Quotes - Page 4

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• For a long time I believed the opposite of passion was death. I was wrong. Passion and death are implicit, one in the other. Past the border of a fiery life lies the netherworld. I can trace this road, which took me through places so hot the very air burned the lungs. I did not turn back. I pressed on, and eventually passed over the border, beyond which lies a place that is wordless and cold, so cold that it, like mercury, burns a freezing blue flame.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Lying, Passion, Past

  4 Copy quote

• Anorexia and bulimia seem to be getting much more common in boys, men, and women of all ages and socioeconomic backgrounds; they are also becoming more common in racial groups previously thought to be impervious to the problem.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Boys, Men, Anorexia

  52 Copy quote

• Hospitalizations in general are blurry. The days are the same, precisely the same. Nothing changes. Life melts down to a simple progression of meals. They become a way of life fairly quickly. You may welcome this transition. It may seem inevitable to you. You have been removed from the world. It is all right, in a way, because there is nothing so sure, so safe, as routine.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Life Changing, Simple, Transition

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• • This seems impossible to me. It seems biologically impossible to stay the same size, although I must. It seems one must always be either bigger or smaller than they were at some arbitrary point in time to which all things are compared. The panties that are possibly tighter than they were. When? You can't say when. But you are absolutely positive no question that it's true.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Arbitrary, Size, Impossible

  5 Copy quote

• We know we need, and so we acquire and eat and eat, past the point of bodily fullness, trying to sate a greater need. Ashamed of this, we turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how to not-need.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Past, Skeletons, Trying

  4 Copy quote

• Me and my needs were driving my mother away. Me and my needs retreated to my closet, disappeared into fairy tales. I started making up a world where my needs wouldn´t exist at all.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Mother, World, Needs

  4 Copy quote

• I developed a deep, abiding fear of jeans, which I still have. I hold my breath and shut my eyes when I pull on a pair in the dressing room, afraid they will now, as then, get stuck at my hips and there I will stand, absurd, staring at the excess of hips that should, if I were a good person, be „slim“.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Eye, Jeans, Excess

  Marya Hornbacher (2014). “Wasted Updated Edition: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia”, p.25, Harper Collins

  4 Copy quote

• The idea began to sink in, more than it ever had, that I might be crazy, in the traditional sense of the word. That I might be, forever and ever amen, a Crazy Person. That's what we'd suspected all along, what I'd been working so hard to disprove, what might be true. I preferred, by far, being dead.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Crazy, Ideas, Forever

  4 Copy quote

• My bones are brittle, my heart weak and erratic, my esophagus and stomach riddled with ulcers, my reproductive system shot, my immune system useless... I'm not going to have a happy ending.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Heart, Erratic, Useless

  10 Copy quote

• I began to measure things in absence instead of presence.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Absence

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• Hatred is so much closer to love than indifference.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Hatred, Indifference

  4 Copy quote

• He leaned down and whispered to me: No matter how thin you get, no matter how short you cut your hair, it's still going to be you underneath. And he let go of my arm and walked back down the hall.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Letting Go, Cutting, Hair

  4 Copy quote

• When you believe that you are not worthwhile in and of yourself, in the back of your mind you also begin to believe that life is not worthwhile in and of itself. It is only worthwhile insofar as it relates to your crusade. It is a kamikaze mission.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Believe, Mind, Life Is

  4 Copy quote

• I threw up again that night, half-afraid that my eyeballs would explode. But it was, by far, more important that I get rid of dinner. Of course, by then, throwing up was the only way I knew how to deal with fear. That paradox would begin to run my life: to know that what you are doing is hurting you, maybe killing you, and to be afraid of that fact--but to cling to the idea that this will save you, it will, in the end, make things okay.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Running, Hurt, Night

  11 Copy quote

• Because I'm not, in fact, depressed, Prozac makes me manic and numb - one of the reasons I slice my arm in the first place is that I'm coked to the gills on something utterly wrong for what I have.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Arms, Firsts, Facts

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “Madness: A Bipolar Life”, p.6, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

  4 Copy quote

• There was a time when I was unable to get out of bed because my body, its muscles eating themselves away, refused to sit up. There was a time when the lies rolled off my tongue with ease, when it was far more important to me to self-destruct than to admit I had a problem, let alone allow anyone to help.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Lying, Self, Important

  4 Copy quote

• ...Someone speaks in soft tones to me and says I am psychotic, but it's going to be all right. I put on my hat, unperturbed, and ask for some crayons.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Tone, Hats, Speak

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “Madness: A Bipolar Life”, p.73, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

  18 Copy quote

• In our absence, the violet early evening light pours in the bay window, filling the still room like water poured into a glass. The glass is delicate. The thin, tight surface of the liquid light trembles. But it does not break. Time does not pass. Not yet.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Evening Light, Glasses, Water

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “Madness: A Bipolar Life”, p.99, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

  4 Copy quote

• For me, the first sign of oncoming madness is that I'm unable to write.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Writing, Firsts, Madness

  Marya Hornbacher (2008). “Madness: A Bipolar Life”, p.286, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

  4 Copy quote

• We were at another funeral party. I wasn’t sure who had died this time, but it was a suicide, and upsetting because it was completely out of season. No on killed themselves in summertime. It was rude.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Suicide, Party, Funeral

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “The Center of Winter: A Novel”, p.7, Harper Collins

  4 Copy quote

• The madness is there, and will always be there. But it will keep sleeping, as long as I don't wake it up.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Sleep, Long, Madness

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “Madness: A Bipolar Life”, p.154, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

  4 Copy quote

• I get absolutely shitfaced. I am shitfaced and hyper and ten years old. I am having the time of my life.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Years, Hyper, Time Of My Life

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “Madness: A Bipolar Life”, p.25, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

  4 Copy quote

• Falling in love happens so suddenly that it seems, all at once, that you have always been in love.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Falling In Love, Been In Love, Happens

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “Madness: A Bipolar Life”, p.159, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

  4 Copy quote

• One really ought to be afraid of self-torture. But it tempted me. It begged. The dark place that my mind was fast becoming blends, in my memory, with the dark womb of church: the chant, the fugue of prayer, the strange erotic energy that carving a very small cross into my thigh with a nail had brought.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Prayer, Memories, Dark

  9 Copy quote

• So many means of self-destruction, so little time.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Mean, Self, Littles

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