Marya Hornbacher Quotes - Page 4

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• For a long time I believed the opposite of passion was death. I was wrong. Passion and death are implicit, one in the other. Past the border of a fiery life lies the netherworld. I can trace this road, which took me through places so hot the very air burned the lungs. I did not turn back. I pressed on, and eventually passed over the border, beyond which lies a place that is wordless and cold, so cold that it, like mercury, burns a freezing blue flame.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Lying, Passion, Past

  4 Copy quote

• Anorexia and bulimia seem to be getting much more common in boys, men, and women of all ages and socioeconomic backgrounds; they are also becoming more common in racial groups previously thought to be impervious to the problem.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Boys, Men, Anorexia

  52 Copy quote

• Hospitalizations in general are blurry. The days are the same, precisely the same. Nothing changes. Life melts down to a simple progression of meals. They become a way of life fairly quickly. You may welcome this transition. It may seem inevitable to you. You have been removed from the world. It is all right, in a way, because there is nothing so sure, so safe, as routine.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Life Changing, Simple, Transition

  10 Copy quote

• • This seems impossible to me. It seems biologically impossible to stay the same size, although I must. It seems one must always be either bigger or smaller than they were at some arbitrary point in time to which all things are compared. The panties that are possibly tighter than they were. When? You can't say when. But you are absolutely positive no question that it's true.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Arbitrary, Size, Impossible

  5 Copy quote

• We know we need, and so we acquire and eat and eat, past the point of bodily fullness, trying to sate a greater need. Ashamed of this, we turn skeletons into goddesses and look to them as if they might teach us how to not-need.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Past, Skeletons, Trying

  4 Copy quote

• Hatred is so much closer to love than indifference.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Hatred, Indifference

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• I'm a driven perfectionist, very self-critical.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Self, Perfectionist, Driven

  "At War With Her Body / Author Marya Hornbacher chronicles unending struggle with eating disorders". Interview with Sylvia Rubin, www.sfgate.com. January 29, 1998.

  4 Copy quote

• Children take in more information than we'd like to believe.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Children, Believe, Information

  4 Copy quote

• I threw up again that night, half-afraid that my eyeballs would explode. But it was, by far, more important that I get rid of dinner. Of course, by then, throwing up was the only way I knew how to deal with fear. That paradox would begin to run my life: to know that what you are doing is hurting you, maybe killing you, and to be afraid of that fact--but to cling to the idea that this will save you, it will, in the end, make things okay.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Running, Hurt, Night

  11 Copy quote

• My students know I have a life, they know I've written about my life. They know some detail, probably more than they know about their physics teacher, but I would've told them anyway!

  Marya Hornbacher

  Teacher, Details, Students

  4 Copy quote

• Were I to put myself on... one of those online dating things, I would not include in my profile that I'm regularly hospitalized for psychosis. But I do know that when I get really bad, there is a place for me to go where I will feel better.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Feel Better, Psychosis, Dating

  20 Copy quote

• I began to measure things in absence instead of presence.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Absence

  4 Copy quote

• I get absolutely shitfaced. I am shitfaced and hyper and ten years old. I am having the time of my life.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Years, Hyper, Time Of My Life

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “Madness: A Bipolar Life”, p.25, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

  4 Copy quote

• The madness is there, and will always be there. But it will keep sleeping, as long as I don't wake it up.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Sleep, Long, Madness

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “Madness: A Bipolar Life”, p.154, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

  4 Copy quote

• So many means of self-destruction, so little time.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Mean, Self, Littles

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• I am feeling fine. I remember these words and recite them. These are the things you say when asked how you are. After all, it would be odd to say: I'm not feeling. Or, more to the point: I'm not, I have ceased to be. Where am I?

  Marya Hornbacher

  Numbness, Feelings, Would Be

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “Madness: A Bipolar Life”, p.198, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

  7 Copy quote

• ...Someone speaks in soft tones to me and says I am psychotic, but it's going to be all right. I put on my hat, unperturbed, and ask for some crayons.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Tone, Hats, Speak

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “Madness: A Bipolar Life”, p.73, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

  18 Copy quote

• I have a remarkable ability to delete all better judgement from my brain when I get my head set on something. I have no sense of moderation, no sense of caution. I have no sense pretty much.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Judgement, Brain, Moderation

  4 Copy quote

• That nothing - not booze, not love, not sex, not work, not moving from state to state - will make the past disappear.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Sex, Moving, Past

  4 Copy quote

• I had a love affair with books, with characters and their words. Books kept me company. When the voices of the book faded, as with the last long chord of a record, the back cover crinkling closed, I could swear I heard a door click shut.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Book, Character, Voice

  4 Copy quote

• In our absence, the violet early evening light pours in the bay window, filling the still room like water poured into a glass. The glass is delicate. The thin, tight surface of the liquid light trembles. But it does not break. Time does not pass. Not yet.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Evening Light, Glasses, Water

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “Madness: A Bipolar Life”, p.99, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

  4 Copy quote

• And it's California, where everything is powerfully strange. Everyone wants it to be home. Everyone left where he or she was from with dreams of transformation. Everyone runs away to California at least once, or at least all the lonely, hungry people do.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Running, Dream, Lonely

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “Madness: A Bipolar Life”, p.99, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

  4 Copy quote

• We were at another funeral party. I wasn’t sure who had died this time, but it was a suicide, and upsetting because it was completely out of season. No on killed themselves in summertime. It was rude.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Suicide, Party, Funeral

  Marya Hornbacher (2009). “The Center of Winter: A Novel”, p.7, Harper Collins

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• My bones are brittle, my heart weak and erratic, my esophagus and stomach riddled with ulcers, my reproductive system shot, my immune system useless... I'm not going to have a happy ending.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Heart, Erratic, Useless

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• My relationships with both my mother and father are good. We spent several difficult years hashing over the problems and the past, and worked out a fairly solid middle ground. I wouldn't say my relationship with either of them - they're no longer together - is exactly typical, but that would be difficult after all we went through.

  Marya Hornbacher

  Mother, Father, Past

  4 Copy quote

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