With determination and purpose, I head into the light.
I'm sorry you don't get it, Mom. Sometimes I don't get why I do the things I do. I just know I wake up every morning and wish I was dead.
I wish I could tell my parents, " If you want to help me, help me die.
I want to tell them, "Chip, Kim, there is no way to suicide-proof a person.
I've never been afraid of the dark. I'm more afraid of the day, of people. I love the night. The solitude. Well, I don't love it. I don't feel love. I hate people, so I hope when I get there it isn't crowded. I hope the light is a momentary phenomenon and the other side is completely black. And silent.
It was her way of saying, "You should kill yourself.
I won't be alive so I won't care who finds me.
I knew right then and there nothing was ever going to change. It wouldn't matter if I was tall or short or fat or thin or absent every day. I was a loser from birth.
I'd decided to write him and tell him to leave me alone. Please, in a nice way, go away, I really can't deal with you.
Why couldn't I have a fatal disease? It'd be so much easier.
I hear you. I just don't believe a word you say.
I don't have to answer. Until you know the question.
Like anyone cared where I was, or who I was.
That's love? To let someone beat you and be hateful to you? These people are all so... Weak. Powerless to change their lives. I know the feeling. All you can do is take it. No one understands how it beats you down.
The truth remains. I was, and am, disgusted with myself.
They didn't guarantee you'd come out a whole person.
I may be fat and ugly, but I'm not stupid. If anyone had ever gotten past my looks, they might've noticed I have a brain.
I had to fight so hard not to cry.
You can't trust machines. You can't trust people.
At times like this, I'm thankful I don't feel love.
You would never understand, Kim. You think I'm normal; you wish I was.
I'm going to die a virgin. I like the thought if it. So pure.
Oh sure. Because we always talk about deep down stuff.
I know it's hard on her. If I don't tell her she'll kill me." He pauses. "That was supposed to be funny.
I suppose I'll be remembered as dull. Timid. No one ever knew me. People came. They went. I was kind, I think. Not sympathetic, but considerate of others. I always gave up my place in line. I loaned out pencils and paper, or let people take them from me. I never reported a sexual assault.
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