Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop
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