Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two.
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.
We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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