A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
You can observe a lot by just watching.
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
Americans are incredibly inpatient. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk.
Government is like a baby. An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.
You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.
Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.
Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target
We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
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