I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born.
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
Never put a sock in a toaster.
I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
I'm a vegetarian, well I'm not hardcore because I eat meat, but only because I like the taste, and I hate vegetables on a personal level so I'm not too good!
Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink.
I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.
It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?
There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.
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