Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed!
She should get a divorce and settle down.
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
A modest little person, with much to be modest about.
The government is good at one thing. It knows how to break your legs, and then hand you a crutch and say, "See if it weren't for the government, you wouldn't be able to walk".
He is as good as his word - and his word is no good.
The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
A fool and his money are soon elected.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking.
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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