What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
The government is good at one thing. It knows how to break your legs, and then hand you a crutch and say, "See if it weren't for the government, you wouldn't be able to walk".
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
Some people approach every problem with an open mouth.
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present
I've been in more laps than a napkin.
A fool and his money are soon elected.
'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
What you said hurt me very much. I cried all the way to the bank.
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends