Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
A fool and his money are soon elected.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
The government is good at one thing. It knows how to break your legs, and then hand you a crutch and say, "See if it weren't for the government, you wouldn't be able to walk".
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.
Fine words! I wonder where you stole them.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.
Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
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