I can resist everything except temptation.
I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
Some people approach every problem with an open mouth.
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
A fool and his money are soon elected.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
The government is good at one thing. It knows how to break your legs, and then hand you a crutch and say, "See if it weren't for the government, you wouldn't be able to walk".
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.
Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
He has sat on the fence so long that the iron has entered his soul.
That young girl is one of the least benightedly unintelligent organic life forms it has been my profound lack of pleasure not to be able to avoid meeting.
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