Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor but the highest form of flattery.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
If you can't detect the sarcasm you've misunderstood.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
The 100% American is 99% idiot.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
I can fluently speak five languages: English, emoji, sexting, sarcasm and sass.
Don't be humble... you're not that great.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Stay with me; I want to be alone
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
A good listener is usually thinking about something else.
Sarcasm is not the rapier of wit its wielders seem to believe it to be, but merely a club: it may, by dint of brute force, occasionally raise bruises, but it never cuts or pierces.
When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.
Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
Why have computers? Politicians are far more calculating.
Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own.
I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it.
Canada has a passive-aggressive culture, with a lot of sarcasm and righteousness. That went with my weird messianic complex. The ego is a fascinating monster. I was taught from a young age that I had to serve, so that turned into me thinking I had to save the planet.
A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.
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