I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.
If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.
The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
The world is a grindstone and life is your nose
A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
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