I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Radio is called a medium because it is rare that anything is well done.
If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
The world is a grindstone and life is your nose
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.
If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.
A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.
I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.
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