Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.
If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.
I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.
Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles.
People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don’t smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up.
God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being.
I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always
I don't need glasses, but I've just reached the age where curiosity is greater than vanity.
She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
Today's comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They're shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter words to shock people.
Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools, too?
Congress: Bingo with billions.
My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.
If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.
Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.
I know my limit. I just keep passing out before I reach it.
I don't hate my enemies. After all, I made 'em.
Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce
Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
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