Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.
Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.
All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
I was a sober as the next guy. The only problem is the next guy was Dean Martin
I don't need glasses, but I've just reached the age where curiosity is greater than vanity.
There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.
I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always
Congress: Bingo with billions.
My doctor said I look like a million dollars - green and wrinkled.
God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being.
People think I am dead because they haven’t seen me around for awhile. I’m not dead, I’m very much alive, as you can see. Although, there are two things I do before I get up every morning. I look around and if I don’t smell flowers or see candles flickering I go ahead and get up.
She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.
Today's comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They're shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter words to shock people.
I just want to be known as a clown, because to me that's the height of my profession. It means you can do everything—sing, dance and above all, make people laugh.
You know how to tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.
Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles.
Television: The device that brings into your living room characters you would never allow in your living room.
Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools, too?
I know my limit. I just keep passing out before I reach it.
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