The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Don't find fault, find a remedy.
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Never mistake motion for action.
Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
I think it would be a good idea.
I feel that there is reason lurking in you somewhere, so we will patiently grope round for it.
I trust that age doth not wither nor custom stale my infinite variety.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
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