Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
What also helps our show is that we never take ourselves seriously.
Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.
Vegas is everything that's right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They've effectively legalized everything there.
Libertarians are essentially what the Republicans were 30 years ago. Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan. They'd all fit more under the Libertarian label than the modern day Republican label.
Listen, you don't know any better so I'll just tell you. You can't try to save money by not having the right beer. You know, you can skip having medical insurance, you can buy everything you own at a swap meet but the right beer is what makes living like this possible.
Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better.
I used to go to the library all the time when I was kid. As a teenager, I got a book on how to write jokes at the library, and that, in turn, launched my comedy career.
I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.
I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he told us in the letter..
Reality shows always look for the worst people.
There is no such thing as too much fun. People need to know it is O.K. to tell jokes and be happy.
I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.
I never thought I was a libertarian until I picked up Reason magazine and realized I agree with everything they had printed.
I'm not against ratings per se. I think more information is always good. But I certainly don't think the government has to step in and set guidelines for how shows should be rated.
When asked if he enjoys being famous: Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't. I've always been a people watcher. I like to go to malls and just sit, and I can't do that very easily anymore.
Look, this is an odd question, but you're kind of cute and you're pretty nice to me. Are you drunk? It's OK if you are.
My cranky cardiologist says I'm destined to die in the kitchen.
I have a position of indirect respect and oblique power.
That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn't ask for a better work environment.
The less government, the better
I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.
The easiest diet is, you know, eat vegetables, eat fresh food. Just a really sensible healthy diet like you read about all the time.
Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they're so rich, they feel they don't work that much for all that money - and they don't, for the amount of money they make.
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