Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
I can resist everything except temptation.
Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!
That's the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol and it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.
I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.
Let me be the first to tell you, drinking alcohol is the worst thing to do in cold weather. Hot soup is the best because the process of digesting food helps to warm you up.
Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason... now I have a reason.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Does anybody think these people were just sitting around drinking tea?
Drinking beer is easy. Trashing your hotel room is easy. But being a Christian, that's a tough call. That's rebellion.
I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.
Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
Paintings are like a beer, only beer tastes good and it's hard to stop drinking beer.
Gin and drugs, dear lady, gin and drugs.
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.
Wine gives a man nothing... it only puts in motion what had been locked up in frost.
I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.
Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.
The worse you are at thinking, the better you are at drinking.
To justify God's ways to man.
Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.
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