W. C. Fields Quotes

Quotes about:

• I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

  W. C. Fields

  Gambling, Alcohol, Half

  107 Copy quote

• You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.

  W. C. Fields

  People, Religion, Atheism

  66 Copy quote

• I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

  W. C. Fields

  Indecisive, Indecision, Used

  24 Copy quote

• If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

  W. C. Fields

  Witty, Dazzle, Baffled

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  99 Copy quote

• I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Witty, Age

  57 Copy quote

• Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

  W. C. Fields

  Nice, Unhappy

  25 Copy quote

• I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.

  W. C. Fields

  Emotion, Argument, Invited

  52 Copy quote

• Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

  W. C. Fields

  Drinking, Beer, Reality

  20 Copy quote

• Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Funny, Party

  68 Copy quote

• If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  97 Copy quote

• Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.

  W. C. Fields

  Sex, Beer, People

  59 Copy quote

• Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Motivational, Money

  78 Copy quote

• Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Witty, Clever

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  90 Copy quote

• It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

  W. C. Fields

  Inspirational, Confidence, Self Esteem

  48 Copy quote

• First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.

  W. C. Fields

  Two, Philadelphia, Firsts

  26 Copy quote

• Some people are born losers; others acquire the knack gradually.

  W. C. Fields

  People, Knack, Moral

  22 Copy quote

• A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Drinking, Book

  90 Copy quote

• Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

  W. C. Fields

  Trying, Rest Of Your Life, Comedy

  W.C. Fields (2016). “Fields for President”, p.21, Rowman & Littlefield

  48 Copy quote

• The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.

  W. C. Fields

  Running, Dog, Special

  W. C. Fields (2016). “W.C. Fields by Himself: His Intended Autobiography with Hitherto Unpublished Letters, Notes, Scripts, and Articles”, p.150, Rowman & Littlefield

  9 Copy quote

• Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

  W. C. Fields

  Love, Inspirational, Life

  77 Copy quote

• I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Witty, Drinking

  94 Copy quote

• I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

  W. C. Fields

  Witty, Sunday, Thinking

  14 Copy quote

• A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

  W. C. Fields

  Pain, Men, Necks

  13 Copy quote

• Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

  W. C. Fields

  Funny, Horse, Crazy

  64 Copy quote

• When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

  W. C. Fields

  Doctors, Undertaker

  12 Copy quote

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