There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
And the only studies were - Rodney Dangerfield was my mentor and he was my Yale drama school for comedy.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.
Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."
That's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.
If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.
Comedy comes from conflict, from hatred.
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
I love John Irving's stuff. It's that marriage of comedy and tragedy. It's really terrific.
Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you.
Rhetoric does not get you anywhere, because Hitler and Mussolini are just as good at rhetoric. But if you can bring these people down with comedy, they stand no chance.
If a movie isn't a hit right out of the gate, they drop it. Which means that the whole mainstream Hollywood product has been skewed toward violence and vulgar teen comedy.
If you want good sketches, go pick up Sid Caesar. The best of Your Show of Shows. That's the greatest sketch comedy you'll ever see on television.
But comedy I'd love to do as much as humanly possible.
What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
Why do we laugh at such terrible things? Because comedy is often the sarcastic realization of inescapable tragedy.
Strangely, Dante's Divine Comedy did not produce a prose of that creative height or it did so after centuries.
Socialism is a fraud, a comedy, a phantom, a blackmail.
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