I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.
An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.
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