I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.
The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.
She used to be a teacher but she has no class now.
He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.
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