I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.
The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station.
She used to be a teacher but she has no class now.
He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.
The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.
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