Mumps, measles, and puppy love are terrible after twenty.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Love thy neighbor - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
People should fall in love with their eyes closed.
You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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