Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
So, if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected, let's start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected!
To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.
If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.
A mother is the best friend God ever gave.
I try not to worry about the future - so I take each day just one anxiety attack at a time.
Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
If life is just a highway, then the soul is just a car. And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say 'I want to see the manager.'
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Comedy is tragedy plus time.
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.
If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered.
I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
If you can't control your peanut butter, you can't expect to control your life.
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends