Don't believe in miracles - depend on them.
A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.
Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.
Prejudice is one of the world's greatest labor-saving devices; it enables you to form an opinion without having to dig up the facts.
There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought
There are two kinds of egotists: Those who admit it, and the rest of us
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.
An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it.
Computers can solve all kinds of problems except the unemployment problem they create.
. . . if you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.
A true friend will see you through when others see that you are through.
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
Egypt: Where the Israelites would still be if Moses had been a bureaucrat.
In spite of warnings, nothing much happens until the status quo becomes more painful than change.
Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.
Noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites it.
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.
If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?
A bureaucrat's idea of cleaning up his files is to make a copy of every paper before he destroys it.
The cave-dweller's wife complained that he hadn't dragged her anywhere in months.
Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.
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