Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.
A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.
Americans are incredibly inpatient. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk.
Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television.
The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.
'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.
Love is just a word, but you bring it definition.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
Man has his will, but woman has her way.
Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'
It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
Be so good they can't ignore you.
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I'm right.
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
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