Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
I miss the $2 bill, 'cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? Oh yeah. What do you need, a one and another one?
If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.
There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best - that is inspiration.
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?
If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.
A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.
Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.
Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
To get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy Mansion for a while.
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours.
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
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