Rita Rudner Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Life

• When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Life

• Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Stupid, Humor

• Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Marriage, Pain

  Rita Rudner (2008). “I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething”, p.86, Crown Archetype

• I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Humor, Doctors

• The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Humor, Men

  Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA

• I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Humor, Albums

  Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA

• In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Success, Marriage

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Women, Humor

• Not one man in a beer commercial has a beerbelly.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Witty, Drinking

• Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Men, Cooking

• A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Jobs, Humor

• Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Life

• You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Airplane, Thinking

• Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Mom, Daughter

• Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Fall, Humor

• Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Inspiring, Money

• To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'

  Rita Rudner

  Inspirational, Funny, Hilarious

• My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Life, Wedding

• My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Thanksgiving, Mother

• Men who drink herbal teas are seldom serial killers.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Humor, Men

• Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Humorous, Men

• A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Country, War

• When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Humor, Kids

• Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Anniversary

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