My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, "Just wait."
How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit a suicide?
What do men want? Men want a mattress that cooks.
Friends are just enemies who don't have enough guts to kill you....
I'm half-Italian and half-Polish. So I'm always putting a hit out on myself.
I turned down a date once because I was looking for someone a little closer to the top of the food chain.
I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor didn't exist.
Love Goddess in training. It could happen.
This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho man and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?"
You can't get a body like mine in a bottle unless you push real hard.
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends