A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
God is at home, it's we who have gone out for a walk.
I'm a vegetarian, well I'm not hardcore because I eat meat, but only because I like the taste, and I hate vegetables on a personal level so I'm not too good!
Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink.
I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'
It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.
I miss the $2 bill, 'cause I can break a two. $20, no. $10, no. $5, maybe, $2? Oh yeah. What do you need, a one and another one?
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure - that is all that agnosticism means.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
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