As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.
Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.
The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.
Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.
Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.
The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.
I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.
A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you're poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.
The separation of church and state has been a cornerstone of American democracy for over two hundred years. Getting rid of it was long overdue.
Weirdly, the people complaining about the healthcare website not working after three weeks were quiet about the Iraq war not working after eight years.
The hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
Let's not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he's said in public.
It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.
If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.
Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.
We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a "religious" meaning.
Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.
On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.
Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.
Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people"
Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.
To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends