Andy Borowitz Quotes - Page 2

Quotes about:

• The separation of church and state has been a cornerstone of American democracy for over two hundred years. Getting rid of it was long overdue.

  Andy Borowitz

  Years, Two, Long

  "In Landmark Decision, Supreme Court Strikes Down Main Reason Country Was Started". Satire from The Borowitz Report, www.newyorker.com. May 05, 2014.

  20 Copy quote

• Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.

  Andy Borowitz

  School, Army, America

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from May 02, 2012

  6 Copy quote

• Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.

  Andy Borowitz

  Birthday, People, Age

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Aug 31, 2011

  11 Copy quote

• Twitter is currently valued at $8 billion, or $1 for every hour it has wasted.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Technology, Hours

  6 Copy quote

• Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny Christmas, Sweaters, Helping

  7 Copy quote

• On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Anniversary, 4th Of July

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Jul 05, 2012

  24 Copy quote

• Rick Perry is qualified to be President in the same way that Olive Garden is qualified to be Italy.

  Andy Borowitz

  Garden, President, Way

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Sep 15, 2011

  17 Copy quote

• We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.

  Andy Borowitz

  Gps, Needs, Pakistan

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Mar 11, 2012

  25 Copy quote

• Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people"

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, New Relationship, Technology

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Dec 18, 2011

  26 Copy quote

• Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Stupid People, Political

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Sep 29, 2011

  29 Copy quote

• To mark the hundredth anniversary of the Titanic, the Republicans have nominated Mitt Romney.

  Andy Borowitz

  Republican, Mark, Romney

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Apr 14, 2012

  15 Copy quote

• All Americans mourn the passing of the author of the Declaration of Independence, George Jefferson.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Mourning, Independence

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Jul 25, 2012

  20 Copy quote

• Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Running, Political

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Oct 05, 2011

  22 Copy quote

• The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps; and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.

  Andy Borowitz

  Believe, Cutting, Gun

  13 Copy quote

• Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a "religious" meaning.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Christmas, Religious

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Dec 23, 2012

  19 Copy quote

• I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.

  Andy Borowitz

  Care, Bullets, Proposal

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Jan 11, 2011

  7 Copy quote

• Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny Christmas, Littles, Celebrate

  6 Copy quote

• As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.

  Andy Borowitz

  Christmas, Vampire, Would Be

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Dec 23, 2011

  8 Copy quote

• Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.

  Andy Borowitz

  Song, Funny Life, Chicago

  6 Copy quote

• Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years.

  Andy Borowitz

  Years, Watches, Welcome

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Aug 28, 2012

  15 Copy quote

• Didn't we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they'll soon be debating slavery.

  Andy Borowitz

  Slavery, Action, Settling

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Feb 26, 2012

  11 Copy quote

• Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'

  Andy Borowitz

  Mom, Home, Comedian

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Apr 14, 2012

  15 Copy quote

• Cars will soon have the Internet on the dashboard. I worry that this will distract me from my texting.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Travel, Worry

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Jan 07, 2010

  5 Copy quote

• NHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.

  Andy Borowitz

  Black, Cain, Trivia

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Jan 11, 2012

  7 Copy quote

• A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.

  Andy Borowitz

  Race, Tests, Christie

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Sep 28, 2011

  6 Copy quote

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