When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon.
Any cupcake consumed before 9AM is, technically, a muffin.
It’s not technically gossip if you start your sentence with “I’m really concerned about __________________ ,” (fill in the name of the person you’re not gossiping about).
Whatever story you're telling, it will be more interesting if, at the end you add, "and then everything burst into flames.
When a kid can understand that a word can mean two things, there's some real thinking going on. They have a vested interest in finding out what a word means, because it's the punch line to a joke.
You want a story? Read 'Gone With the Wind'. These aren't stories. They're joke books. The whole thing of a beginning, a middle and an end has been done to death.
Kids enjoy laughing and are seldom bored when they find something funny. They also ask questions, often to adults, because they understand that the more words they can comprehend about a funny story or a joke, the more they'll enjoy it.
I like all things grammatical, and I had already written several books about parts of speech, and even the alphabet, so everything that makes up a sentence and even a word was covered except for punctuation.
If I have a talent for making some fourth-grader who hates school and reading to hate it a little less, then I have to do the most with what I've been issued.
I love the semicolon; it's unnecessary, but graceful and sophisticated.
In writing I found something I could do at least as well as my peers, if not better.
Children are like sponges; they start to smell after a little while.
There’s no such thing as free kittens.
Our cat is kind dove shellfish, and thinks the world is hers, She finds a comfy spot and then we pet turtle sheep purrs.
If a couple has their picture taken at a wedding or other social gathering, and the woman looks hot, her guy could be blinking, chewing, or even mid-sneeze, and she’ll still display it on her desk at work.
A good friend will help you plant your tulips. A great friend will help you plant a gun on the unarmed intruder you just shot.
Not only is love blind, it’s a little hard of hearing.
It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them.
For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes,
and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.
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