Brian P. Cleary Quotes

• When a kid says "smell my hand," it almost never smells like cinnamon.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Kids, Smell, Hands

  47 Copy quote

• Whatever story you're telling, it will be more interesting if, at the end you add, "and then everything burst into flames.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Flames, Interesting, Stories

  12 Copy quote

• It’s not technically gossip if you start your sentence with “I’m really concerned about __________________ ,” (fill in the name of the person you’re not gossiping about).

  Brian P. Cleary

  Names, Gossip, Persons

  7 Copy quote

• Any cupcake consumed before 9AM is, technically, a muffin.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Cupcakes, Muffins, Consumed

  17 Copy quote

• When a kid can understand that a word can mean two things, there's some real thinking going on. They have a vested interest in finding out what a word means, because it's the punch line to a joke.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Real, Mean, Kids

  7 Copy quote

• Not only is love blind, it’s a little hard of hearing.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Hearing, Littles, Blind

  4 Copy quote

• It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them.
  For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes,
  and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Years, Corny, Okay

  7 Copy quote

• A good friend will help you plant your tulips. A great friend will help you plant a gun on the unarmed intruder you just shot.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Good Friend, Gun, Helping

  11 Copy quote

• If I have a talent for making some fourth-grader who hates school and reading to hate it a little less, then I have to do the most with what I've been issued.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Hate, Reading, School

  7 Copy quote

• I like all things grammatical, and I had already written several books about parts of speech, and even the alphabet, so everything that makes up a sentence and even a word was covered except for punctuation.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Book, Speech, Alphabet

  7 Copy quote

• Kids enjoy laughing and are seldom bored when they find something funny. They also ask questions, often to adults, because they understand that the more words they can comprehend about a funny story or a joke, the more they'll enjoy it.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Kids, Laughing, Bored

  5 Copy quote

• You want a story? Read 'Gone With the Wind'. These aren't stories. They're joke books. The whole thing of a beginning, a middle and an end has been done to death.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Book, Wind, Gone

  4 Copy quote

• Our cat is kind dove shellfish, and thinks the world is hers, She finds a comfy spot and then we pet turtle sheep purrs.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Cat, Thinking, Sheep

  57 Copy quote

• I love the semicolon; it's unnecessary, but graceful and sophisticated.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Unnecessary, Sophisticated

  5 Copy quote

• In writing I found something I could do at least as well as my peers, if not better.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Writing, Peers, Found

  7 Copy quote

• If a couple has their picture taken at a wedding or other social gathering, and the woman looks hot, her guy could be blinking, chewing, or even mid-sneeze, and she’ll still display it on her desk at work.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Couple, Taken, Guy

  4 Copy quote

• There’s no such thing as free kittens.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Kitten

  4 Copy quote

• Children are like sponges; they start to smell after a little while.

  Brian P. Cleary

  Children, Smell, Littles

  4 Copy quote

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