If it was just the potatoes that were affected, at the end of the day you will pay the price if you're a fussy eater.
I don't like big feet. It reminds me of gammon.
There's never any graffiti in the hotel. Although in the Gents a couple of weeks ago I did see someone had drawn a lady's part. Quite detailed. The guy obviously had talent.
I woke with a start. At first I assumed I'd trumped myself awake again.
That was liquid football
Guide dogs for the blind. It's cruel really, isn't it? Getting a dog to lead a man round all day. Not fair on either of them.
A friend of mine once said he like his women like his parmesan: strong smelling and shaved. I don't agree with that, but I don't like hairy women.
Convoy? Michael, you're hanging around with a man who uses a collective term for a single vehicle.
In my mind God made Adam and Eve, he didn't make Adam and Steve.
Actually the best thing I did was to get thrown out by my wife. She's living with a fitness instructor. He drinks that yellow stuff in tins. He's an idiot.
I'm gonna hump ya. Like Deputy Dog... Would hump ya.
Two fat ladies, 88! Not that you'd find these ladies at a bingo hall, of course... they're altogether a higher class of fat lady.
Sadly, I can't say the same for my Father, who is probably in a different place - Hell.
Got my fungal foot powder? Ah, it's a lifesaver, you know. I'd effectively be disabled if it weren't for these.
It's arguably the best newspaper in the world.
You really have got lots of issues! Yeah, of 'What Car Magazine'!
All those people who go around saying Life begins at forty, they're notable by their absence. The nerve.
I'm 47, my girlfriend's 33; she's 14 years younger than me, back of the net!
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