Richard Turner Quotes

• Anytime I see someone blocking the aisle in the supermarket while talking on a phone, I want to ram that person with my shopping cart.

  Richard Turner

  Block, Phones, Talking

  8 Copy quote

• I'm a woofer, not a tweeter; a writer, not a telegrapher; an essayist, not an aphorist.

  Richard Turner

  Internet, Essayists

  9 Copy quote

• Warranty – A notice telling the buyer when the product that was just purchased will no longer function.

  Richard Turner

  Function, Buyers, Products

  6 Copy quote

• I am at a loss to figure out how to rid my e-mail of those bottom-feeders of the electronic world, the generators of spam.... If I were Emperor of the World, I would lock all the spammers in a room and force them to watch nothing but TV commercials for the rest of their miserable lives, and I would condemn the people who respond to spammers to do nothing but clean the toilets in this room.

  Richard Turner

  Loss, People, Mail

  8 Copy quote

• Self-Checkout Line – The place where customers of an establishment become unpaid employees of the establishment.

  Richard Turner

  Self, Lines, Establishment

  5 Copy quote

• Mudslinging - In politics, anything bad the opponent says about our candidate; in contrast, when our candidate does this, it is called 'making a good point.

  Richard Turner

  Political, Doe, Opponents

  7 Copy quote

• Speed Limit – A sign that tells you at what speed the car that's rapidly fading from view in your rearview mirror is going; a law that provides the sole means of support for many small-town police departments.

  Richard Turner

  Mean, Mirrors, Views

  4 Copy quote

• Grammar Checker – A software program that is not needed by those who know grammar and virtually useless for those who don’t.

  Richard Turner

  Useless, Program, Grammar

  4 Copy quote

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