Jon Stewart Quotes About Earth

Quotes about: Earth

• It's funny. When we were alive we spent much of our time staring up at the cosmos and wondering what was out there. We were obsessed with the moon and whether we could one day visit it. The day we finally walked on it was celebrated worldwide as perhaps man's greatest achievement. But it was while we were there, gathering rocks from the moon's desolate landscape, that we looked up and caught a glimpse of just how incredible our own planet was. Its singular astonishing beauty. We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.

  Jon Stewart

  Mother, Moon, Men

• Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.

  Jon Stewart

  Years, Earth Day, Able

• A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go to heaven forever. How do you get from that to Hide-The-Eggs? Did Jesus have a problem with eggs? Did he go, "When I come back, if I see any eggs, the whole salvation thing is off."

  Jon Stewart

  Jesus, Easter, Believe

• We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.

  Jon Stewart

  Mother, Dry, Earth

  "Earth (The Book): A Visitor's Guide to the Human Race". Book by Jon Stewart, 2010.

• As our larynxes descended, we were able to make sounds with our mouths in new and far more expressive ways. Verbal language soon overtook physical gesturing as the primary means of communication for all human beings except Italians. (Earth (The Book), p. 36)

  Jon Stewart

  Book, Communication, Mean

• President Bush announced we're going to Mars, which means he's given up on Earth.

  Jon Stewart

  Mean, President, Mars

• Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.

  Jon Stewart

  Guy, Earth, Core

  "Star-Spangled Laughs: A Conversation with Jon Stewart". Interview with Brad Thomas Parsons, www.amazon.com. 2004.

• The building housing America's military brass is a five-sided pentagon, but somehow, the people in it still manage to make it the squarest place on earth. The latest evidence? A current military document that lists homosexuality as a mental disorder in the same league as mental retardation - noting, of course, the one difference: retarded people can still get into heaven.

  Jon Stewart

  Military, Differences, America

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