The best way to get along is never to forgive an enemy or forget a friend.
Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.
The same thing happened today that happened yesterday, only to different people.
We must not indulge in unfavorable views of mankind, since by doing it we make bad men believe they are no worse than others, and we teach the good that they are good in vain.
Money sometimes makes fools of important persons, but it may also make important persons of fools.
I usually get my stuff from people who promised somebody else that they would keep it a secret.
Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. America from border to border and coast to coast and all the ships at sea. Let's go to press.
America - love it or leave it.
Too many people expect wonders from democracy, when the most wonderful thing of all is just having it.
She's been on more laps than a napkin.
Today's gossip is tomorrow's headline.
The reason they're called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled - it's just the opposite!
Hollywood is a place where they place you under contract instead of under observation.
It's a sure sign of summer if the chair gets up when you do.
I never lost a friend I wanted to keep.
The way to become famous fast is to throw a brick at someone who is famous.
Nothing recedes like success.
A certain columnist has been banned from all Shubert openings. Now he can wait three days and go to their closings.
The only ones who like Milton Berle are his mother - and the public.
He (Alexander Woollcott) always praises the first production of each season, being reluctant to stone the first cast.
Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.
Remember that nobody will ever get ahead of you as long as he is kicking you in the seat of the pants.
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