A hundred percent of marriages end in divorce, disappearance or death.
A sniper is like a genius - it’s not enough to be one, you have to be one at something.
The optimist sees the future as a rabbit sees the oncoming truck - getting bigger, not closer.
In America, fundamentalist Christians believe the world was created 6,000 years ago - in England people drink in bars that are older than that.
What’s life in this nation? Collect emptiness in a household of cornflakes. Transient fuel gobbles attention, the television aches, the truth walks. Scheme worms welcome your corpse, trap clicks and you’re in heaven, bored rigid
Originality irritates so obscurely that people may have to evolve to scratch it.
Scientists used to do an experiment whereby a dog's repeated reward for performing a task was unaccountably replaced by punishment. The dog, knowing it would be penalized for doing well or doing badly, would become melancholic and inactive. This and other unforeseeable results were funded by taxing up to sixty percent of people's earnings. People became strangely melancholic and inactive
Sanity’s a virginity of the mind
Most books are so well written they barely have any effect on the reader's senses
One thing you’ll say for skeletons, they’ll always give you a smile.
Gun stripping is the tea ceremony of America.
One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of God's existence.
In books there's nothing of the fish covered in the coldness of the sea, or the feeling of a star touching space. Bad for business.
From space this Earth is incandescent with abominations - the gods write their signature in our entrails
The best way of getting into something is to think of it as mischief.
Ideas are self-replenishing, like snot
I knew books could see people around them, they ground their tiny teeth, tried to rattle like windows, stories to tell.
Hang up the phone on a vampire, the definition of carefree.
What happens when the hitcher and the driver are equally murderous?
How many times does a man have to shave before his chin gets the message?
He has been positively growing tusks trying to create a breed of human insect which will continue to live on this accursed planet. Everyone needs a goal.
We have truth in order not to die of art.
The law is where reality goes to die.
The most amusing thing about a pantomime horse is the necessity of having to shoot it twice.
Dreams always end before you kill the last person.
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