Jim Benton Quotes

• I'm telling you, the gorgeous of the world can actually look pretty intimidating when they scowl. Imagine a snow-white swan with a scary tattoo holding a chain saw. There's just no way to really prepare for that.

  Jim Benton

  Tattoo, Swans, White

  Jim Benton (2013). “Dear Dumb Diary #11: Okay, So Maybe I Do Have Superpowers”, p.53, Scholastic

  47 Copy quote

• School prepares you for the real world... which also bites.

  Jim Benton

  Real, School, World

  39 Copy quote

• Homework strongly indicates that the teachers are not doing their jobs well enough during the school day. It's not like they'll let you bring your home stuff to school and work on it there. You can't say, 'I didn't finish sleeping at home, so I have to work on finishing my sleep here.

  Jim Benton

  Teacher, Jobs, Home

  100 Copy quote

• Kissing the frog to get the prince is a waste of a perfectly good frog.

  Jim Benton

  Kissing, Perfectly Good, Frogs

  17 Copy quote

• Things Isabella Wouldn't Care About: - Titanic sinking again. - Metror striking Earth and landing directly on top of world's most innocent panda. - Titanic sinking again and this time the entire crew is puppies.

  Jim Benton

  Pandas, World, Earth

  10 Copy quote

• How Superheroes Make Money: - Spider-Man knits sweaters. - Superman screw the lids on pickle jars. - Iron Man, as you would suspect, just irons.

  Jim Benton

  Men, Iron, Sweaters

  5 Copy quote

• My pants cut the cheese. Let one fly. Baked a batch of brownies.

  Jim Benton

  Cutting, Pants, Cheese

  Jim Benton (2013). “Dear Dumb Diary #2: My Pants Are Haunted”, p.70, Scholastic Inc.

  8 Copy quote

• Ant 1: So, uh, do you ever worry that your itsy little neck is just going to snap under the weight of your head? Ant 2: Stop asking me that. You ask me that, like, every five minutes. Ant 1: Sometimes I notice my antennae out of the corner of my eye and I'm all, like: AHH! Something is on me! Get it off! Get it off! Ant 2: Yeah, the antennae again. Listen, I just remembered, I have to go walk around aimlessly now.

  Jim Benton

  Eye, Worry, Ants

  5 Copy quote

• I had the great idea of using markers to gently color the ants so I could tell them apart, but I learned that this is exactly like somebody trying to gently color on you with a thirty-story building. Without dwelling on the tragedy, I'd just like to say that I'm deeply sorry to Mr. Purple and the surviving Purple family.

  Jim Benton

  Sorry, Color, Ideas

  Jim Benton (2013). “Dear Dumb Diary #11: Okay, So Maybe I Do Have Superpowers”, p.56, Scholastic

  5 Copy quote

• Love makes the world go 'round but I'm pretty sure money has to do with it, too.

  Jim Benton

  World, Rounds

  4 Copy quote

• never underestimate your dumbness!!

  Jim Benton

  Underestimate, Dumbness, Never Underestimate

  Jim Benton (2016). “Můj milý deníčku – To mi hlava nebere!”, p.5, Fragment, Albatros Media a.s.

  6 Copy quote

• Buy me stuff and I'll be nicer

  Jim Benton

  Stuff

  4 Copy quote

• The Destructive Arts are exactly like Martial Arts, except they don't have uniforms or usefulness and the end result doesn't resemble art in any way.

  Jim Benton

  Art, Uniforms, Way

  Jim Benton (2013). “Dear Dumb Diary #11: Okay, So Maybe I Do Have Superpowers”, p.10, Scholastic

  4 Copy quote

• He giggled like a puppy being tickled by a kitten wearing a duckling costume.

  Jim Benton

  Cute, Costumes, Ducklings

  Jim Benton (2013). “Dear Dumb Diary #11: Okay, So Maybe I Do Have Superpowers”, p.64, Scholastic

  5 Copy quote

• I can't imagine the scientists wanting me to walk into the lab and start fiddling around with some big bowl of electrons they had out.

  Jim Benton

  Labs, Imagine, Scientist

  Jim Benton (2013). “Dear Dumb Diary #11: Okay, So Maybe I Do Have Superpowers”, p.7, Scholastic

  4 Copy quote

• This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us.

  Jim Benton

  Running, Mean, Vampire

  7 Copy quote

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