... no matter how nice you are to some people, they'll turn their back on you the second they get the chance.
I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.
Because it's our choices that makes us who we are.
You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.
I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget
See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.
Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.
I think humor is key [to a successful middle-grade novel]. Kids like to read for entertainment, and the best way to entertain kids is to make them laugh.
I labored for eight years thinking that I was writing a book for adults that was a nostalgic look back on childhood. Then my publisher informed me I'd written a children's book.
My advice to authors would be to try to do something original rather than to try to anticipate what the market is looking for.
I realised all the good ideas were taken before I was even born.
But the thing I’m finding out is some people don’t really appreciate it when you’r trying to be helpful.
If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.
So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.
I'm having a seriously hard time getting used to the fact that summer is over and I have to get out of bed every morning to go to school.
Monkeys can't talk, stupid!
I`m basically one of the best people I know.
You and your group of nerds fall into a pit and it's full of dynamite and you blow up. The End.
It's not easy to writing thank-you notes for the stuff you didn't want in the first place.
When you're used to having electricity and then all of a sudden it's taken away, you're basically just one step from being a wild animal.
Dear Aunt Loretta, Thank you so much for the awesome pants! How did you know I wanted that for Christmas? I love the way the pants look on my legs! All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants. Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever! Sincerely, Greg
I don't know what a guy needs to do to impress a girl these days.
fish and visitors stink in 3 days.
Youre gonna grow up and marry some ice cream! Haha!
The only reason I get out of bed at all on weekends is because eventually I can't stand the taste of my own breath any more.
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