I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
A father... knows exactly what those boys at the mall have in their depraved little minds because he once owned such a depraved little mind himself. In fact, if he thinks enough about the plans that he used to have for young girls, the father not only will support his wife in keeping their daughter home but he might even run over to the mall and have a few of those boys arrested.
The wisest married men give in early. They get in touch with the wife side of themselves, and that's when they stop arguing.
My wife was a beautiful woman before we had children.
My feeling is, personally, I want to die first... because I believe that when you die, your soul goes immediately up for judgment - and I don't want my wife up there first. No, the judgment will be horrendous.
If I use the word romance, whether it's my wife or not, it does not mean sex. We can use the word sex when sex is there.
Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.
With my wife Camille's help, I took to social networking. I'm working with the computers.
My wife and I have five children and the reason why we have five children is because we do not want six.
When the child is twelve, your wife buys her a splendidly silly article of clothing called a training bra. To train what? I never had a training jock. And believe me, when I played football, I could have used a training jock more than any twelve-year-old needs a training bra.
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