Jeremy Hardy Quotes

• Marriage is like the witness protection programme: you get all new clothes, you live in the suburbs, and you're not allowed to see your friends anymore.

  Jeremy Hardy

  Clothes, Protection, Witness

  14 Copy quote

• Why don't people just accept that life is sad and cheer up? After all, it's not going to last for ever.

  Jeremy Hardy

  Cheer, People, Lasts

  6 Copy quote

• The Afghan War has clearly reached a stage similar to that moment at your child's party where you realise you've forgotten to give the other parents a pick up time.

  Jeremy Hardy

  Children, War, Party

  "The News Quiz". BBC Radio 4, January 23, 2009.

  8 Copy quote

• The only way you can ever accuse a Conservative of hypocrisy is if they walk past a homeless person without kicking him in the face.

  Jeremy Hardy

  Past, Hypocrisy, Kicking

  "The News Quiz", BBC Radio 4, November 2008.

  9 Copy quote

• All socialists have bad backs because we slouch - except when we're watching the news when we sit on the edge of our seats, shout, and wave our arms. Generally we sit hunched, arms crossed in a judgemental way, the whole of our bodies pulled into a frown.

  Jeremy Hardy

  Judgemental, News, Body

  "Jeremy Hardy Speaks to the Nation", BBC Radio 4, 2007.

  10 Copy quote

• It seems a shallow observation, but... the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same village, you'd blame pollution, wouldn't you?

  Jeremy Hardy

  Mean, People, Village

  "The News Quiz". BBC Radio 4, October 1998.

  10 Copy quote

• My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her You're eleven, make your own!

  Jeremy Hardy

  Daughter, Pairs, Eleven

  "The News Quiz", BBC Radio 4, July 2002.

  8 Copy quote

• Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs.

  Jeremy Hardy

  Photograph, Britain, Northern Ireland

  "Jeremy Hardy: Caustic comic". news.bbc.co.uk. April 5, 2002.

  7 Copy quote

• Most harm is done by people who are awake.

  Jeremy Hardy

  People, Done, Harm

  "The News Quiz". BBC Radio 4, May 16, 2008.

  7 Copy quote

• Capitalism is a great idea in theory, but in practice it just doesn't work.

  Jeremy Hardy

  Practice, Ideas, Theory

  "The News Quiz", BBC Radio 4, November 2008.

  6 Copy quote

• If you just took everyone in the BNP and everyone who votes for them and shot them in the back of the head, there would be a brighter future for us all.

  Jeremy Hardy

  Would Be, Vote, Shots

  "Jeremy Hardy Speaks to the Nation". BBC Radio 4, September 13, 2004.

  6 Copy quote

• You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War.

  Jeremy Hardy

  Mother, War, Father

  "The News Quiz". BBC Radio 4, October 1998.

  7 Copy quote

• The need to compile lists is a personality disorder, as is the need to assert the superiority of some things over other things.

  Jeremy Hardy

  Personality, Needs, Lists

  Radio Times, August 5-11, 2006.

  4 Copy quote

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