Al Madrigal Quotes

• Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. I love to take the wife and kids, but it's also near a sketchy neighborhood. So there's a lot of gang members that hang out at the waterfall. It's like somebody took an Ansel Adams photo and then put a Cypress Hill video inside it.

  Al Madrigal

  Kids, Gang Members, Wife

  9 Copy quote

• I'm half-Mexican - get used to it 'cause in about five to 10 years, you're all gonna be related to one. Whether you like it or not, no matter how much you prepared your family, you're gonna show up at Thanksgiving one of these years, you're gonna walk in and say, 'Hey! What's happening? Since when did we start serving flan?' Well, what's happening is that somebody's boning a Latino.

  Al Madrigal

  Years, Mexican, Hey

  4 Copy quote

• My primary responsibility is to be funny.

  Al Madrigal

  Responsibility, Primaries

  4 Copy quote

• I bullshit on the phone all day with a variety of people discussing various projects, and occasionally write jokes.

  Al Madrigal

  Writing, Phones, People

  6 Copy quote

• Well, once I fried tofu and put Sriracha on it. After that I was so depressed I swore off preparing food for myself altogether.

  Al Madrigal

  Tofu, Preparing Food, Wells

  4 Copy quote

• The horrible truth is that I am lazy and I am going to write and do bits that just hand themselves to me.

  Al Madrigal

  Writing, Hands, Lazy

  "John Hodgman Talks to Al Madrigal About The Daily Show and Al's Stand-Up Special". Interview with John Hodgman, www.vulture.com. April 26, 2013.

  6 Copy quote

• We're down in Mexico. It's for a bachelor party, so we go into a Mexican strip club... I go back with this woman down a murky hallway, and then without missing a beat - these ladies are all business - she goes, 'Go ahead, take out your dong.' 'I'm not taking out my dong. And by the way, who uses the word dong? If you want to be hip to the lingo, they're not using the word dong up in the States.

  Al Madrigal

  Party, Mexican, Missing

  4 Copy quote

• Don't bring your sand toys to the park. That's another bad move. Because I go to the park, and I'm on the Vicodin and a little weed too - let's face it - and I go in there, and my wife's like, 'Bring the sand toys! Bring the sand toys!' And I know what happens every single time: I become sand toy repo man from the eight little kids that run off in nine different directions with my sand toys.

  Al Madrigal

  Running, Weed, Moving

  4 Copy quote

• I'm always alone. Sad face emoticon.

  Al Madrigal

  Faces, Always Alone, Sad Face

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• You grow up real quick, a half-Mexican in a sailor's suit, because I'd be riding the streetcar to school everyday - minding my own business, humming out a 'Frere Jacques' - and I realized that in any other town, this might be considered cute. But you know what it is in San Francisco? Sexy.

  Al Madrigal

  Cute, Sexy, Growing Up

  4 Copy quote

• Im so sick of people treating Latinos like some homogenous group that all feel the same way about everything.

  Al Madrigal

  Sick, People, Way

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• Stop throwing us all together like some sort of Puerto Ricaminican Tex-Mex buffet.

  Al Madrigal

  Together, Buffets, Throwing

  4 Copy quote

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